If your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done

sallybabymnshyn @ 2009-10-19T19:14:00

2009-10-19T23:15:38Z

whoever prays, pray for morgan.

http://www.wdbj7.com/Global/story.asp?S=11336143

sallybabymnshyn @ 2008-03-19T10:21:00

2008-03-20T02:23:48Z

Something keeps me awake, something outside is stirring
Through the dark and over the grass
The rabbits and snakes are concurring
They sing in the soil and bones rattle loud
They cry out as this they do see
Someone in those walls is suffering proud
For you are worth every ache within me

I don’t hear music, don’t hear anything
I see dirt, I see cement
What a troubled world it is when you’re outside arms length
It pulls out it’s teeth in dry irreverence

Come and find me on this floor
I am only a half, truth be told
Take away all the distance and say:
"my beloved, I’m here, and now you are whole"
If I turn and see your eyes in the dark I will know the blue in an instant
Never have they gone so far
Never has your face been distant
My life I will give you like a verse and a ring
I will be your only one
And what you ask of me will be yours until all is said and done

Your heart is a song that I hear Jesus sing
It comes over oceans to me
And the notes spell out messages in vibrant streams
And what’s written you show only me

But if you can’t close up all the gaps tonight
Put me to bed in your way
You see right through everything I am
For you my insides are displayed
Sing me to sleep my beautiful one
I will love only you for all time
Sing me to sleep my only one
With promises that you are all mine

Be still my heart, I hear your back cracking
It sounds like music to me
I see your face and I can hardly breath
It looks just like a song to me

sallybabymnshyn @ 2008-01-12T22:42:00

2008-01-13T03:51:36Z

"because I've never felt
until I felt you."

I honestly can't feel anything.
I can't even conceive the situation
much less admit that it happened.
so much for making progress.

sallybabymnshyn @ 2008-01-10T00:03:00

2008-01-10T05:11:19Z

movie night tonight with brianne.
we watched the virgin suicides and girl, inturrupted
cause those are two of my favorites and brizz hadn't seen them yet.
it was great, and several accidental puns were produced.

"why do they take laxatives?"
"probably because the food is crappy"

the rest of the week's consisted of miriam, meghan, sarah, and even devin. :]
I kind of wanted to hang with david too, but it just ...didn't happen I guess.
sarah might come to liberty next year, which would just be fantastic.
we could even room together. [!]

I go back to school friday.
that'll be great. but I miss brianne already.

oh. and I got a hair cut/coloring.

not that either of those pictures show the color.
but its basically just a bit of red.
:]

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-12-30T12:35:00

2007-12-30T17:53:45Z

i'm so sorry.

bleed for you

2007-12-29T04:50:20Z

The cold concrete cuts against her back
And her spirit spills with blood onto the pavement
Hands tied so tight behind her neck
And a silence falls, and everything changes
Everything dies, to you nothing’s alive, to you anymore
I guess you've gotten more than you may have wanted

If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
And I'd bleed for you
So you’ll never feel this way again

She drowns herself until the images erase
But the skin is bruised all along her thighs
Nightmares repeat refrain the memories of pain
The mental photographs haunting all the time
She shuts her eyes, to you, she tries to hide from you
She falls asleep into dreams where she is safe

If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
And I'd bleed for you
So you’ll never feel this way again.

Put the weight on my shoulders
And the pain in my heart
Tie the knots in my stomach, let it tear me apart
So I could be everything you need
So tear me apart...

[Where the silence strips me bare,
and your body pins me down.
I've never been so scared to breathe,
afraid to make a sound.
But all I know is you'll never let me go..
Just kick and scream, bite and bleed,
and make believe it's all a dream]

it's about time

2007-12-28T04:14:04Z

I used to tell people that I hated you. I used to say it to myself too. Sometimes I even wrote it down. But the truth is, I’ve never hated you and I never will. I love you more than almost anyone, maybe even too much. And I think that every problem I have ever had will go away if I could just believe that you love me too.

I lied for you. I can’t believe I protected you like that. I guess I got what I deserved.

I really do hate you. I hate you in a way that I’ve never hated anyone. I seriously pray that you’ll die. But even death is too good for you. I hope you break your spinal cord and are paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of your life. I’ve never met you, and you’ve never done anything to hurt me directly, but I hate you more than the people who have. I don’t think I can ever forgive you for what you did to her. As far as I’m concerned, you are lower than the lowest of the low. I don’t even know what to say to you, except that I hate you. And one-day maybe God will help me get past that, but as of today, I’m still very passionate in how much I despise every fiber of your being.

You are so easy to talk to about everything. I can go for months without seeing you and nothing will ever change or be awkward. The stuff I can talk to you about is stuff I don’t really talk about with anyone. Not that it’s always really deep or personal [sometimes it is, but not always], it’s just…stuff that only you would be willing to talk about. We’re so much alike, but not in a way that gets annoying. You’re such a thoughtful person too, it always makes me realize that there are truly good people in the world. Not to be sappy or anything.

I care about you, and there are so many qualities about you that I love. But I can’t stand the way you try so hard to be me. I’m not really the kind of person you’d want to imitate to begin with, but when you tried to mirror my old eating habits, that was just too much. That isn’t the kind of thing you fool around with. Whether you want to lose weight or just want attention, both are the wrong reasons to eat that way. If you really had a problem, you wouldn’t be bragging about your restrictions so loudly. I hate everything about my eating disorder, and wish I didn’t have one every single day of my life. You have no right to play around with those kinds of behaviors like its some sort of dieting tool.

I’m sorry for causing you so much pain and anxiety. I’m sorry for all of this. If I could change everything about myself I would. I’m just so so sorry.

Out of all the things you did to me, and all the ways you abused me, the one thing that I think hurt me the most was that last threat you made. Those words will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I care about you more than I care about myself. I would honestly do anything for you. As broad a word as "anything" is, I still wouldn’t reword that sentence. You are beautiful on the outside and breathtaking on the inside. You just have this way of radiating God’s beauty and goodness that I don’t think I’ve ever even seen before. You’ve saved my life and big parts of my health. You’ve helped me in ways that no one’s ever been able to, or even took the time to try. You’ve done more for me than I deserve. I love you and will be here for you until the day I die…and after.

You’ve been an incredible friend. I don’t know why I turn into such a jerk every time you try to help me. You ask me the hardest questions that most people wouldn’t bother with, and I just throw all these sarcastic remarks and cold shrugs back in your face. I just completely shut off emotionally and block you out. I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve your friendship at all, but you mean the world to me. I love you so much and am more grateful for everything you’ve done for me than I’ll ever be able to express to you or myself. I don’t understand that you love me, or why, but I love you too and always will. I owe you so much.

Thank you for not saying anything about it until it was over with. I would have fought you every step of the way if you had.

"We’re gonna get to the bottom of this and you better be ready to talk about it tomorrow." That was the wrong thing to say.

I’ve written way too many poems about you. And put you on this list way too many times.

13. I’ve put you on every secrets list I’ve ever made. And I talk to you all the time. And I feel like you know how I feel already so there isn’t anything major about you I need to put on here. I just think since you’ve impacted my life in such a huge way, you at least deserve a place on here. I love you so much. Like, really. Those nights at neverland are nothing compared to how much I love you. [oh, you know what I’m talking about]. You’re probably the only other person in the universe who finds our genre of humor to be funny, and that’s perfectly fine. I would rather you call me a walrus, than anyone else in the world call me beautiful. I don’t really know what to say on here. I don’t have any sappy cliches to exhaust, because I think that wouldn’t do our friendship justice. You break the cliché in every single way. Basically, you’re my best effing friend and I love you more than anyone in the universe. Except maybe Guilfoyle…but it’s pretty close.

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-12-18T22:31:00

2007-12-19T03:37:24Z

i missed brianne. :]

family's coming this week
more next week

good stuff:
-brianne
-food that isn't ramen
-no opera singers at six in the morning

i'm trying to be positive :]

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-12-14T23:08:00

2007-12-15T04:09:31Z

i miss you
[all]

:/

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-12-11T11:30:00

2007-12-11T16:35:27Z

Flashing memories
Focus the mind

Let the
monochrome lies
Tumble out of your
Frozen Cracked Lips

Break away
From the
Broken

Taste the fear
Spit it out- -

[run away now]

"smile like you mean it"

Life's a show
Learn your lines
Wear their mask.

Sing along
Play their game
Laugh the words
[Choke on
the words]
Laugh the words

Refuse to cry

Never
Let them know

It's a tea party
In .your. [our] .my. mind
They're not invited
Make them go away
With a pretty *broken* smile

Never
Let them know,
Just...

Smile like you mean it...

i accidentally overdosed on nyquil this weekend. patti was sick and i was stoned, so taylore locked us in a room together for 12 hours. from what i remember, that day was hilarious.
i want to do it again. haha.
all my finals are today....wonderful.
then i'm done
but i don't want to go home.
i got everyone hannukah presents, since my room isn't celebrating christmas.
i'm out of cash.
lots of bad recurring dreams, and random triggers.
maybe these flashbacks will go away soon.
but i have a feeling going home will only make them worse.
i hope break goes well for my friends.
like, really really hope it does.
:]

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-12-03T16:08:00

2007-12-03T21:09:08Z

well I'm sure
there's something in a shade of grey
or somewhere in between.
And I can always change my name

if that's what you mean...

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-11-23T23:04:00

2007-11-24T04:09:50Z

Please die, Ana
for as long as you're here, we're not.

eating disorder's coming back..
again.

:/ help.

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-11-19T22:33:00

2007-11-20T03:34:58Z

If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
and I'd bleed for you
so you'll never feel this way again....

1. Where was the first time you ever kissed the last person you kissed?
on stage. while john sat in the audience and patted himself on the back for his wittiness.

2. What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
I got a pumpkin pie smoothie

3. How many best friends do you have?
Brianne! And a few others

4. Would you rather get up early or sleep in?
i need all the sleep I can get :P

5. Tell me where you got the pants you're wearing?
clearance

6. What's the closest thing to you that is brown?
jacket

7. What would you change about your life right now?
Make my friends happy

8. Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
I’ve been crying over the truth all day. And it sucks. But at least it’s the truth…

9. What's on your bedroom floor right now?
Suitcase, clothes, calendar, calendar shreds, scissors, chaptstick, photographs, sharpie, spoon, bowl, pillow, sketchbook, deodorant, Chinese lantern…

10. Who was the last person you got into an argument with?
Brittney, about who’s the fat roommate.

11. Do you trust people?
A small handful

12. If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
Bar harbor, maine

13. Have you ever been out of the country?
Yes. poland

14. Could you go a day without eating?
I’ve gone longer

15. How much do looks matter to you?
I value my eyesight

17. When was the last time you had your hair cut?
Its been a few months

18. Would you rather be mad or sad?
I don’t get mad, and I’m always sad. I’d rather be happy!

19. What's the best feeling in the world?
Being loved

20. Are you close with your mom?
I was

21. Are your parents strict?
Compared to what?

22. Do you tell your parents everything?
No no no no no no

23. Would you rather be a bird or a fish?
Who cares?

24. Name one fear you have?
How will I condense them all into one…? Um, ok…I hate phones

25. If you need to go to the store a block away, do you walk or drive?
I always walk

26. Does the thought of marriage scare you?
I don’t think about it, cause it’s not happening

27. How many kids do you want?
I don’t

28. What's your favorite color to wear?
grey

29. Who was the last person in your bedroom besides you?
I’m not sure. The door was open when I woke up.

30. What are you doing today?
It’s night

31. Would you rather be rich & sad or poor & happy?
happy

32. Do you work out?
hahahaha

33. What would you do if you found a dinosaur egg?
Take a picture?

34. Do you get bored easily?
no

35. What's something that someone can do that really bothers you?
Stop in the middle of the hallway for no reason, or walk slowly

36. Did you ever want to change your name when you were younger?
I did

37. Do you wish you were famous?
no

38. Do you make a wish at 11:11?
yes

39. When you're at the beach, do you swim or lay out more?
i usually forget my bathingsuit

40. Who's the last text message you received from and what did it say?
Robert. …[I don’t want to type it]

41. What are you freakishly obsessed with?
Josh dies. :/

42. What's your favorite song at the moment?
I can’t pick!

43. Do you like going to the mall to shop or just shopping online?
I hate shopping. But online is the best way

44. Can music affect your mood?
It does

45. What piercings do you want?
neck

46. What tattoos do you want?
Every inch of my body needs to be covered

47. Have you ever been in a cave?
yes

48. Ever eaten a bug?
Not on purpose

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-11-06T10:03:00

2007-11-06T15:03:53Z

I don't want to leave.
I'm dreading thanksgiving break so much.
It's so great here.
:]

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-11-02T09:43:00

2007-11-02T13:43:25Z

i'm failing.
but still loving it here.
i don't want to go home.
ever.

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-30T18:13:00

2007-10-30T22:13:40Z

Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?
Still hanging out in patti’s room. :]

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
My toes must have frostbite

Is the person you have a crush on older or younger than you?
I have no crush. But if I did, he’d be older

What did you do last night?
Went to wal-mart and about 100,000 other stores with everyone, attempted to BS a Bible paper, chillaxed in patti’s room, slept

What do you hope to do this weekend?
Sleep, hockey games, have fun…

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
no

What song are you listening to?
My December :]

Have you ever told someone of the preferred sex you loved them and meant it?
I have

How's your heart lately?
A few clogged arteries due to the massive amount of bacon grease I consume daily, but other than that it’s doing fine

What were you doing this morning at 7 am?
Shivering in bed

What were you doing this afternoon at 12 p.m.?
Shivering in class

Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted longer?
Maybe just one

Are you Okay?
Are you?

What was the reason you last cried?
Don’t worry about it

What was the last movie you saw in theatres?
Something about some chefs falling in love

How did you meet the 2nd on your myspace?huh?
A guy liked me and tricked me into coming on a double date with his friend and another girl they tricked, and the bond from being forced to sit through the most awkward night of our lives caused an instant connection and beautiful friendship.

How old are they?
My age

Have you ever driven without a license?
yes

How many red lights have you ran?
None. Maybe stop signs…but not lights

Have you ever cried while taking a shower?
Hahahahaha. Yes. How depressing

Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
Of coarse. Everyone has at some point.

Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
hunger

Where did your last hug take place?
The hallway outside my room

Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
They spell Patten with an o. or forget the second half all together, so I have to repeat the name five thousand times with an awkward emphasis on the second syllable and then proceed to spell it out letter by letter to make sure they get it right. Then they end up forgetting anyway.

Do you drink tea?
It’s kind of an addiction

When was the last time you saw a cop?
Last time I got arrested

Did you ride in someone else's car today ?
Not today. I was in Cassie’s yesterday though

Do you wet the toothbrush before the toothpaste?
yes

Does someone like you?
Yes. It sucks

What do you like on your toast?
honey

Where do you like to keep your money?
I don’t have any money to keep

Do you watch the news daily?
no

Do you have over 150 myspace friends?
yes

Do you like to press the coin return button on everything for free money?
yes

Do you clean when you’re upset?
hahahahahhaa

Where do you want to get married?
I don’t. unless it’s josh dies, in which case I don’t care

What day of the week did/will your birthday fall on this year?
It was a Thursday. A very fantastic thursday

Are you wearing socks?
nah

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
Brittney doesn’t think I can handle being blonde. And I agree

Have you ever seen “Walk the Line”?
It was on once on the bus home from camp. But not really

Do you still get easter baskets?
no

When was the last time it snowed?
Last year

Are puddles the best part about rain?
YES!

What’s the closest pink thing to you?
Fight club book

Do you have plans for tonight?
Hall meeting? I know, exciting

Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
nailpolish

Do you know anybody named Shea?
Not really

Are sunsets romantic?
I guess so

Have any cool scars?
Yes. One that’s permenately indented into the top of my foot. And it’s purple and came from a barb on one of my desks last year. That math class was full of bad news…

Do you know anyone with Alzheimer’s?
Indirectly, but not really

Can you sing all the RENT songs by heart?

Oh how I wish
Have any gay/lesbian/bi friends?
yes

Red or green apples?
Ones that aren’t mushy inside

Do you know anyone who’s pregnant?
Other than me and shevi…no

Can you make brownies without having to look at the directions?
No. just scones and muffins

Do you like Juicy Fruit gum?
It reminds me of brianne and the lunch table in 10th grade. So YES!

Are crayons better than colored pencils?
Both are awesome. Especially when using them at midnight in the hallway with the coolest roommate ever and a dollar store coloring book

Do you have hairspray in your hair?
No. I like the ozone. And I’ve given up on my hair

What were you doing at 9:22 this morning?
Carving chunks out of my leg. Well, you asked and no one’s gonna read anyway.

Have you brushed your teeth yet today?
Obsessive compulsively

Whens the last time you ran?
I can’t even remember.

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?:
Not in the cool way

What are you seriously wearing?
Seriously? Or figuratively? Seriously speaking: I’m wearing my typical combination of a hoodie, tank top and jeans that Brittney finds so incredibly skanky.

Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
hahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhahaha

Who last grabbed your butt?
My last client

Do you own a pair of Converse?
Yes. But they’re about to die

Could you live without a computer?
barely

Is anyone on your bad side now?
Patrick porter for deciding to ruin my plans and get married the same week as his brother

What jewelry are you wearing?
Wooden necklace, gauges. If either of those count

Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
Sometimes with kelsey and sam :]

Will you keep your name when you get married?
If I marry someone with a sucky last name, maybe

How many pairs of shoes do you own?
A few

Ever been to Georgia?
Drove through it once. Listened to showbread the whole time. It was fantastic.

Do you watch movies with your parents?
No. they always try to predict the outcome or ask questions so they can predict the outcome.

Do you go online every day?
basically

Do you enjoy your personality?
Not…really? How do you do that

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-28T19:17:00

2007-10-28T23:23:07Z

:D

birfday party. :]

pretty sure this chick's saved my life...

and this one

probably the coolest picture ever, of the coolest person ever

kekeke

oh how wrongggg

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-25T15:03:00

2007-10-25T19:03:11Z

I need to stop skipping classes!!!
O_O
can't wait for tonight.

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-24T11:31:00

2007-10-24T15:32:38Z

it's so weird to have an addiction to pain.
i can't even focus,
cause all i can think about is getting alone so i can burn myself.
i'd rather just be starving, but people here tend to notice that
and i need to beat it anyway.
saosin is so good!
and i love my new friends,
and brianne.
:]

you're not alone
there is more to this, i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell.

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-23T17:04:00

2007-10-23T21:05:04Z

i might get to spend thanksgiving break in new hampshire!
that'd be so awesome if it works out
like, really awesome.
i miss brianne...
but i can't live at her house during the whole break
and i really don't want to live at home.

:]

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-21T01:00:00

2007-10-21T04:59:59Z

today was fun too

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-20T12:30:00

2007-10-20T16:30:15Z

this weekend was so far a repeat of last.
more crazy joy riding with the same crazy cool canadians.
then movies.
and some salsa dancing.
hopefully today will be as fun as last night...

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-19T00:45:00

2007-10-19T04:45:56Z

today:

-boring classes. like, really really really boring
-sarcasm with brittney
-studio drawing
-movie night with friends!
-hanging with taylor, patti, cassie, and jamey

everyone's pretty cool here.
at least the ones i seem to find.

i can't sleep though. and it sucksss.

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-14T14:04:00

2007-10-14T18:03:47Z

1. Where were you at 11:45 today?
Watching the hockey game

2.Do you like somebody right now?
HA!

3. Is the person you like older or younger than you?
They’re always older

4. Ever talked to someone that was high?
Oh yes

5. How cute is the person you like?
Pretty ugly

6. Did you have a dream last night?
always

7. Last message you sent?
Brianne?

8. Last comment you left someone?
Miriam

9.Do you have facebook?
I’m addicted!

10. What color is your underwear?
Leopard print and sheer

11. Last person you were in the car with besides your family?
Patti. I was scared… :P

14. Are you currently frustrated with a boy/Girl?
Boy. Yes. I hate them all.

15. Are you excited about winter?
Christmas break…

16. If it was free and it would work perfectly, would you get plastic surgery?
LIPO!

17. Have you ever slapped someone in the face?
I had to slap devin for a play

18. Have you ever been called Prince?
Um, no

19. What did you do last night?
Joy riding with the Canadians, then watched Donnie Darko with patti and mel and aj

20. Who is ONE person you wish you hadn't dated?
aw

22. What do you hear right now?
Bright eyes

23. What is the closest thing to you that is blue?
Water bottle, hoodie, tea cup, purse…all equal distances

27. If you had to change your eye color, would you? What would it be? Yes. And hair color. Green and red :]

28. Last time someone of the same sex hit on you?
Every day. ;] kekeke

29. Last thing you wrote your name on?
Attendance sheet in government

30. Who do you wanna kiss right now?
Josh dies

31. What do you want for Christmas?
Josh dies

32. Does it snow where you live?
It tries

34. If you could change one thing right now what would it be?
More than one thing

38. When is the next time you will see your grandma?
I’m not sure

40. Do you wear makeup every day?
usually

41. Would you go in public without looking dressed up or put together?
Wha?

42. How is your hair right now?
up

46. What is tomorrow?
monday

47. Who is the last person to call you babe?
My last client

50. Now that this is over, what should you REALLY be doing?
Waiting for taylor to get ready

sallybabymnshyn @ 2007-10-14T10:07:00

2007-10-14T14:08:14Z

i'm making friends with all the canadians. :P
they're some of the coolest people ever.
and have great taste in movies...

fasting for ten days.
i've done 2 already.
:]
feels great.

oh, and our girls hockey team beat ohio state
which is 4th in the nation.
we are amazing.
and my roommate played awesome!